Oregon Writing Project: One Sentence Story

As I do my homework to prepare for the Summer Institute of the Oregon Writing Project at Willamette University, I thought I'd post my attempts here. Today's prompt:

One Sentence Story: Write a one sentence story that describes who you are. Include some alliteration with your name.

In a blundered attempt to brighten the bored expressions on the faces of his bucolic students, Ben bounced lightly on the balls of his feet as he bloviated about the benefits of the best British books.